Why Do We Do This to Ourselves?

I’m in a cold sweat. I never thought withdrawal could be this bad!

Why do we allow ourselves to fall into such traps? Poisoning ourselves, sometimes slowly, sometimes in one swift overdose, but a poison just as lethal, whatever the speed. At first, we tell ourselves “just to try it”. Ooh! That’s NICE! So we try it again. Then again. Pretty soon, we find out that the little bits that once did so much for us, are no longer giving us the thrill they did as novices. We need more and more, just to be able to feel part of the effect we used to enjoy.

After a while, if we haven’t sunk too deeply into our own self-induced coma, we realize that we’re no longer seeking it for the “high”. We now need it to be able to even function! If we don’t have it, we sweat, feel nauseous, get nervous… even paranoid. It becomes very difficult to give birth to a coherent thought, and expressing a thought is nearly impossible. Our loved ones, impotent in our struggle to hold onto one last thread of sanity, sadly watch us fade away. We forget to eat. We only bathe when our own stench overcomes our numbed senses. We seem to never sleep (but are we ever really awake?)

People that still care about us, but no longer recognize us, will attempt interventions, after they realize that talking to us is hopeless. They’ll try to come between us and the one thing that we seem to live for, and in anger, we lash out at them, saying things we would wish we hadn’t, if we still had any sense of decency.

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Then, miraculously, everything is okay again! Our internet access is restored!

We’re alive again! Everything is right with the world.

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What brought THIS on, you may well ask? Shortly after logging on this morning, I lost my connection, and discovered that our phone was dead, as well. After about half an hour, the phone line was live again, but my modem couldn’t connect to the DSL line.  Seems they had a fire in a switch, and after re-routing all the circuits, they had turned  phone service back on, but not internet.

After nearly three hours of fighting with the phone company,  I was told they’d get a technician over here in 24-72 hours. Unsatisfactory! This computer is my livelihood! After a little judicious bellyachin’, I was told I’d be credited for a free month of my internet service. I still don’t understand why a tech. has to visit the home, to fix something handled by their computer system.

And I’d still rather have my own service back, rather than have to wait two or three days. Fortunately, my next door neighbor was kind enough to offer me the use of his wireless connection ’til they get here.