I Am Not A Whore!

23 Jul

My daughter is going through the last of the administrative processes, for entry to the university Aug. 2nd. So yesterday, I accompanied her, which in retrospect, showed remarkably poor judgment on my part. Since we went in her car, she used my own rules against me (the little brat!). The rule? Driver controls the radio!

Our tastes in music used to be very similar. She liked Tammy Wynette, Charlie Daniels and George Strait just as much as me, and we’d always crank up the volume of the same songs. Then, somewhere along the line, she fell victim to possession by whatever sort of demon it is that makes kids listen to the crap they listen to. Yesterday, I got a major sampling of their lyrical excellence.

The first one forced its way into my consciousness after a few dozen repititions of “I’m goin’ to a pahhhhhteee!” After I realized that that was the extent of the lyrics, I commented as much. She rolled her eyes, as teenagers are inclined to do whenever an adult (read: OLD person) actually speaks directly to them, in a fashion that prevents them from pretending they didn’t hear. “That’s a good song, Dad,” she said.

“Uh-huh,” I replied, not entirely convinced. “Apparently, they didn’t find it too inspiring, judging by the lyrics. They’ve repeated nothing but the same five words, maybe forty times.”

Another roll of the eyes, but no response. I decided to just drop it. Neither of us is likely to convince the other of anything about music.

The next song had a compelling beat. In other words, it made my teeth hurt. It had only five words, too. I – Am – Not – A – Whore, shouted, not sung, around 77 times, to the same monotonous beat, which by then, had me squinting out of one eye, and checking my ear canals for blood.

“Oh, that one’s MUCH better,” I quipped. No eye-roll that time, just a get-a-grip-dad look.

“He may not be a whore, but he’s a shoo-in for a bore,” I tossed in, for good measure. Just a hint of a smile was all I detected, before she jabbed a button on the dashboard, and a new “tune” issued forth. I had to listen to what sounded like a poor imitation of the Inna-Gadda-Da-Vida drum solo, on steroids, figuring it was the intro, and that what passed for lyrics would start any minute.

Three or four minutes later, I realized that this was as good as it was gonna get, and said, “Are they gonna sing, or is it an exorcism?” That earned a full blown smile, as she reached down and punched another button.

I still haven’t figured out what I was listening to that time. Radio interference from outer space is as close as I’ve come to a decent guess. If that’s what it was, I sure HOPE it was interference! ‘Cause if it was an alien transmission, they’re not only getting closer, but they’re obviously seriously disturbed.

Which may be why she liked that one the best.

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14 Responses to “I Am Not A Whore!”

  1. Cricket July 23, 2010 at 5:53 pm #

    Thanks for the giggles and for reminding me how very old I am. I love the new look to your blog!

    • Doc July 23, 2010 at 5:57 pm #

      Far be it from me to ever remind a woman of her age, Cricket! I value my life, such as it is. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thanks, I like the look better, too. The other theme was too dark. I found several I liked the looks of, but they don’t all accept the same widgets, so…

  2. Derek July 23, 2010 at 9:53 pm #

    Doc, i do like some of my parents music and they do like some of my music i listen to but then again, i listen to some music and repeats a lot of lines like you mentioned earlier. They’d most likley rip my radio out of the car if i would not change it. lol

    Maybe next time you should start dancing in the car. :p

    • Doc July 23, 2010 at 10:06 pm #

      I like some of just about any kind of music, except Rap. My preference is usually country, but even then, there’s some I just don’t particularly like. I guess at a certain age, we get a little critical of some stuff. For me, that stuff is “noise”.

      And it’s tough to line-dance in a car. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. Jo July 23, 2010 at 10:08 pm #

    Hehe You’re not old, just different! Thanks-you made my daughter giggle too! We both like the same music though…but not the ‘stuff’ you encountered (endured)!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Doc July 23, 2010 at 10:19 pm #

      I think I’m different AND old, Jo. But that’s okay… I figure I earned all my gray hairs. I don’t know how old your daughter is, Jo, but keep an eye on her. Somewhere in the teen years, they can turn on ya! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Jo W July 24, 2010 at 4:49 am #

        hehe…I think I appeared a teensy bit anonymous in my last reply! She’s 21..had a ‘Second Childhood’ 21st party. ๐Ÿ™‚ Naah-you’re not old, because that would make ME old too! :/ As for the one who ‘sang’ about not being a whore….’he doth protest too much’?? lol

        • Doc July 24, 2010 at 8:16 am #

          No, not anonymous, Jo… I guess I was having a senior moment, as I forgot that you had mentioned the party.
          BTW, mine are 41, 39 and 18. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. Todd Morris July 24, 2010 at 2:58 pm #

    Hi Doc,

    I am very familiar with those “looks” you write of. My 17 year old son and I have pretty much come to an understanding when it comes to music in the car … I listen to what I want to on the radio, and he brings his ipod ๐Ÿ™‚

    I’m a little partial to country music myself, but we had a bit of a family “discussion” last year when we first moved to Texas. For a couple of weeks, we only had one car, so we all went places together. Since I was driving most of the time (and following your daughter’s rule), I was in charge of the radio. Well, after about a week, both my wife and stepson had had enough … one day we got in the car, and when I turned on the radio, my wife told me “look, I know we’re in Texas and everything, but that doesn’t mean we have to listen to ONLY country music” ๐Ÿ™‚

    Hope you’re having a good weekend.

    • Doc July 24, 2010 at 3:15 pm #

      My wife is pretty tolerant of my country music, although she doesn’t share my enthusiasm. So naturally, when she wants to make a selection, I have to graciously respond, “Sure, honey!”.
      Thus began my introduction to Andrea Bucelli. He’s got a great voice,… it just ain’t my cup o’ tea.
      For her birthday a couple of years back, I bought HER an iPod! Thanks for the visit, Todd. Don’t be a stranger!

  5. neighborofthebeast July 25, 2010 at 9:55 am #

    Well.. first time she comes home from school hollerin at the world about how bad McDonalds is for everyone, make sure to point out that the crap spewing out of her radio is like the McDonalds of music. A friend of mine got awfully upset once when I told him that.. I said “what are you whining about..? I love McDonalds”…

    Anyway, this video below might help to wash off the stink of I’m not a Whore…

    • Doc July 25, 2010 at 10:48 am #

      Hi, Shayne! Good to see ya down here in the projects!
      That might work for me, with a minor modification. My baby gal loves McDonalds, but says that Burger King is junk food. Go figure!

  6. Kevin Blalock July 29, 2010 at 5:18 pm #

    Reading this had me falling out of my chair, Doc! I think any parent of teenagers can relate!

    • Doc July 29, 2010 at 5:36 pm #

      Yeah, Kev… some things are universal… teenagers’ rolled eyes, wives’ cold shoulders and the love in the eyes of a dog, when he smells brisket in the smoker.

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